So I might have mentioned in one of my earlier post that Max is doing a hell of a job NOT listening to a damn thing that comes out of my mouth. Well, at least not the first five times!
It also seems that he’s picked up the habit of burping (loudly) and then laughing. Ok, I get it—at three, hell even at 25 if you can belt one out impressively enough it’s funny, but this he mustn’t know. I’ve told him time after time to cover his mouth and say excuse me. He remembers the excuse me part when he feels my eyes attempting to burn a hole through his flesh. Then his laughter is paused by “excuse me. I said it momma!” I guess this shouldn’t come as a surprise to me. I mean, this is the same dude that farted in the doctor’s office and then screamed, “Shut up butt!!”
He’s also taken a liken to his penis. Yes he’s learned that boys have a penis and well, he likes his. He likes his so much he feels the need to ask other’s if they like it as well. OOHHHH BOOOYYYY. I mean not like total strangers or anything—yet. More like Grandma, Papa, Me, Dada, Uncle Kole, Aunt Jackie (just to name a few) thank God they’ve all been family. So I warned the teachers at his school. Yes, Max has a penis and he is in love with it (when it’s not big that is—you read that post right?) so don’t be alarmed if he ask you if you like it too. I received a blank look. Hey, it’s not my fault my kids a freakin’ genius and we use correct terminology around our house.
Oh and I can’t forget about his newest effort to drive me into a fucking wall–it’s the… “But why” Yeah. We’ve started that. I remember before I was a mom I was around one who’s child probably about 4 and would ask, “why” after everything she said. She would get shitty and say, “because I said so, that’s why” I remember thinking Lord forbid bitch just tell the kid your real reasoning, perhaps it will help him to understand “why”. Fast-forward many years, I’m in the same spot that the bitch was in and every time Max asks me, “but why” I remember how shitty I thought that lady’s response was. I take a deep breath and I tell Max the reasoning behind whatever it is that I said. So, this is what I’ve learned about that theory…HE’S FUCKING THREE AND HE DOESN’T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT MY REASON!!!! never the less it is sure does make me feel like a good mom- so I breathe, explain, breathe, explain, breathe explain, pour a glass of wine, explain and by that time if he still hasn’t dropped the, “but why” I turn his focus to something else. “But why” Yes. It drives me insane.
Here is what my three-year old has taught me in the past two weeks:
1. Burping should be an Olympic competition
2. Penis’ are to be adored (?)
3. Any explanation you give to, “but why” isn’t good enough and just gives lead way to more but why’s
By the way, I was informed during the last alligator briefing that we are no longer just hunting alligators. We are now hunting alligators and aliens! Grandma said this was cause for special gear. 
She be damned if she sends her grandson out into the night to defend strangers from the evil of alligators and aliens unprotected!
