Hey you loud mouth mom (you know the one, always screaming from her ass for her kid to do something but never getting up to ensure its done cause she’s too busy talking to a man) –breathe..Yeah, that one. Don’t you love when there’s a parent that is doing such a shitty job watching their kids that you secretly start watching their children for them.
I mentioned there was a ton of different parenting styles taking place all around me this weekend and I don’t think my methods are typically better than any one elses’—except for hers! Her children were in so much danger the entire weekend I swear I needed a fucking xanxa just watching them attempt to either A) break a limb or B) kill themselves.
Remember the bad ass little four-year old? No surprise he belonged to her . So we’re at the lake. There are two huge water slides that I must say her children were waaaay to small for, but they aren’t mine and she is their mother and she knows best. As they were playing nicely going up the stairs and then sliding down the slide into the water I watched in awe thinking oh my God that one is only one year older than Max and there’s no way in hell I’d let him up there—–ALONE. Not sliding down in his mommy’s lap, no she was much too busy mingling with the males for that when all of a sudden those little bad ass kids started climbing up the slide from the wrong end.
The lake is pack- there is a line at the slide, people are wanting to slide down, but can’t because if they do there will be a conciliation and guess what? There was one and guess who it involved? None other than the mother of the year’s kids, go figure.
It played out som ething like this: while one child was climbing up the slide from the end the other was sliding down from the top and BAM they hit and both splashed into the water. I gasped and put my hand over my mouth-I just knew one was hurt. They were fine. she screamed from the sand, “hey what are you doing? Are you serious right now? are you serious do not do that!” She looked at me- I guess I didn’t realize just how loud my gasp was. For all of 2 seconds I felt bad that perhaps my gesture made her feel as if she wasn’t watching her children closely enough—I quickly got over it because let’s be honest here, she wasn’t. So after that you know I got the look. The look from another mom that is silent to the rest of the world, but screams to a mother: You bitch, you think you’re better than me and your kid is perfect. Yeah, that one, I silently screamed back yup bitch, sure do.
Look, I’m not a judgey mom, but give me a break here. It is possible to take care of your kids and have a good time and she was clearly having trouble finding that balance.
Back at the cabin, yes I couldn’t get away from them they were our fucking neighbors (I mean how does this happen!) her kids were climbing on TOP of a Ford 250 and I mean ON TOP…she was no were to be found, she was instead in the AC while the young children played outside and yes, there was an injury (but you knew that right?) one sled off the tail gate right onto the ground I wouldn’t’ be surprised it his tail bone isn’t like bruised or something.
I looked at the officer and said, man can you imagine how relaxed I’d be if I was a mom like her? I wouldn’t be half as exhausted as I am. When we left this morning and all of them were still alive and in one piece, I think. Geez, I’d hate to see what it’s like around their house, talk about fucking chaos.
She defiantly, for sure, without a doubt made me feel like mom of the year. So here’s to your shitting parenting lady!! Don’t you love when another parent makes you feel that much better about what you’re doing? Now that’s what I call, being there for each other!