Perfectly imperfect momma

Road rage isn’t something I’ve ever struggled with. It’s a known fact the world is filled with idiot drives; this isn’t something new- you get use to it, you deal with it and you drive as safe as you can despite their stupidity.

This morning the monster and I came face to face with a lady that surely had a bad case of road rage and was in dire need of one of my xanax.

Here she comes barreling across three lanes of traffic at 6:54 in the morning and slams on her brakes putting us inches from colliding. I looked in her direction. She rolled down her window and started screaming, “move bitch, fucking get out-of-the-way, move you bitch.” I continued to stare a little confused as to why I was the bitch when she was clearly in the wrong.

She grew more angry giving me the cussing of a lifetime and then she  screamed (from her car mind you) “If you don’t fucking move I’m gonna get out of this car”. OK, at this point I just couldn’t help it, I burst into laugher as I  continued to stare–evidentially she didn’t find her threat half as humorous as I did as she continued to bitch this and bitch that.

After I felt she’d had enough of my lovely glare I proceeded to put my foot on the gas and slowly leave the hostile scene. Now let’s get something straight, my friends – if my child had not had been in the car, when she threatened to get out  I would have slowly rolled down my window and asked that loud mouth bitch in my very sweet white girl voice just what she thought she was going to do once her Sheila Jacskon Lee looking self out of the car? Kick my ass? Are you kidding me…I’m a fucking mom not some teenager! You can’t be serious and you sure as hell can’t go ago threatening people just because your pissed off! I tell you what, it would have been a bad day and one hell of a trip to Harris County jail for the both of us had the monster not been there. (and I can’t make it in jail y’all I’m not gangsta enough)

You see kids, while momma is not by any means a violent person and remained very calm during the explosion, she does have a tad bit of built up aggression that if needed, can most definitely be unleashed at the right person- at the right time.

The whole ordeal was sad, really. I was honestly embarrassed for the lady that was spewing nonsense at the mouth in the middle of morning rush hour. I mean seriously, no one wants to hear your mouth—keep it moving please. We all have places to go and bosses to appease.  Perhaps the worse part though was the fact my kid was in the car. My kid doesn’t hear us talk like that–he doesn’t hear us scream, he doesn’t see us raging mad—he was terrified at her behavior. He asked multiple times before getting to the day-care what was wrong with her and why she was being so ugly. He and I talked about it briefly as we continued on our journey. Even though I knew it was a big deal for him, I wanted to play it down as much as possible to help whatever fears or confusion he may be feeling. I didn’t want it to seem like a huge ordeal even though for a three-year old, that’s exactly what it was.

Once at day-care I informed the teachers of what had just taken place in case the Monster needed to talk about it, they would be aware and know what to say. All he really wanted was reassurance everything was ok. It was to him (just as it was to me) very confusing and unexpected.

As I thought about the incident on the way to work I grew more and more angry. I was pissed off at the fact that someone I’d never seen before, someone I didn’t know had the nerve to disrespect me the way she did . I was pissed off that her behavior had disturbed my child. I know what you’re thinking…it’s my fault for not removing myself from the situation quickly enough, but I did…It all happen very, very fast, it was like she was on speed or something. At one point I thought about offering her a xanxa, then she threaten to kick my ass and I thought, well fuck that I’m not sharing my shit with you!

The important thing is; no one was hurt—well, expect for her- I’m sure all that screaming did a number on her throat. I think today after work I’ll have me a beer or 6–I think after the morning the monster and I had its only right.

Happy Parenting y’all!