Perfectly imperfect momma

I’ve been hesitate to write about this as I wasn’t able to come up with the words to express my emotion. I’m rarely ever speechless so it’s been quite bothersome that I haven’t been capable of writing about something important to me. Today my friends, I will give it a go- I will allow my fingers to do the talking and hope what they choose to say is a clear and honest reflection of my heart.

I have one brother, his name is Kole, he is the po-po and just one of my little pride and joys. Kole is marrying a wonderful chick named Krystina, in June. I couldn’t be happier for the both of them. OK, I’m stalling I’ll just get to the point here—–I wasn’t chosen as Kole’s best man. Yes, I’m fully aware that keeping in way of tradition the best man is typically a man, but when you have a sister like me (I’m just saying) I assumed that maybe I would be considered for such an honorary role.

Hurt? No hurt wouldn’t be the word I’d chose to describe my feelings more like expected. I expected to be over look for one reason or another. That’s kind of how our relationship has always been. I’ve always had Kole riding in the passenger seat with me while I’ve always rode in the back seat with him. I know, I know it’s a guy thing. They don’t show their emotions, appreciation, and love in the same manner that woman do, I get that. I guess I just thought I’d be the one standing next to him on one of the most important days of his life.

For as long as I can remember, um let’s say 25 years next to my mom, I’ve been Kole’s biggest fan. I’ve been there through thick and thin–through good and bad–happy and sad, sober or wasted….I’ve been there.   That’s what big sisters do—we love our little brothers, we treat them as our own. We are protective, we are assertive, we are reassuring and we are hell to be wreckin’ with. Right or wrong you’re on their side–no questions asked, you’re their way out—you’re their way in—-you’re their best man!

I’m not emotional nor bitter about the decision for it is his own and it is his day. I will stand by and with him from the side of the bride as Krystina has asked me to be a bridesmaid and I have so gratefully accepted. I will beam with happiness and pride for the man I have watched him become and I will drug the best man who has shamefully taken my spot.

The “friend” that was chosen as the best man will do all the things I envisioned myself doing for Kole. He will stand next to him the day he marries the woman of his dreams, he will hand him the ring that will be place upon finger of the future mother of his children, he will give the toast, he will do it all, including being blissfully wasted and we all know I can do blissfully wasted better than anyone else!

So, seeing as how I’m not the best man and I wont be giving the heart-felt toast that only a sister could give; I’d like to give one now to all of you…..With my beer lifted high and lit as a mother fucker I would say this…

Krystina, welcome to our family! Here you will be forever sheltered, cherished, loved and protected.  Here you have found an alliance within us. In the 25 years of sharing this life with my brother  I’ve never seen him as happy as I have when he’s with you and I can’t tell you what peace that brings not only to me, but to all in our family.  You are his heart, you are his soul, you are his sunshine…you are his wife. I know with you he will be adored, I know with you he will be protected, I know with you he will be held up high, I know with you he will be alright. So as I lift my beer, Krystina I’ll pass the torch that I’ve proudly allowed to burn so brightly, as he is now yours. I love you both.

So there you have it, that’s what my toast would have read..Something only a sister could say, spewing emotions only a sister would spew and now if you’ll excuse me I must go plot the best mans disappearance.

Happy Parenting!