1. Happy Valentine’s Day to all the perfectly imperfect mommas
2. Stay away from the chocolate–both you and your ass can thank me later
3. Allowing the 3-year-old candy for breakfast this morning, sure–why not its Valentine’s Day (Don’t judge)
4. I’m happy not because today is the day of love and the Officer got me some rockin’ red converse tennis shoes, but because I get to leave this bitch early and meet my shrink for a date- I mean a session. No, she’s not hot.
5. Morning drinking is the best drinking *thinks as I stare at the bottle of vodka*
6. It’s time I clean the toddler’s room–that damn dinosaur almost took my head off this morning.
7. I know Valentine’s Day is stupider than shit, but don’t be an ass wipe and ruin it for those that feed into all the hype
8. My kid is having a valentine party at school, this can only mean one thing—he’s coming home sugared up, crazy and hyper as hell. Thanks!
9. The Monster work up on his own this morning. Score!
10. Something tells me I’m going to regret the bubble gun I gave the Monster for Valentine’s day
11. The last few hours of work are always the longest ones of the day.
12 As moms, the best gift we’ll ever receive comes in the form of a walking, talking, shitting, pissing, annoying as hell little package that utters the words momma. Truly the best gift ever.
Happy Valentine’s Day!