Perfectly imperfect momma

Birth stories; I’ve read some beautiful ones. Ones that made me smile, ones that have made me laugh and one’s that have made me cry.   I’ve decided like so many other woman to recall the hours leading up to that one moment in time that would change my life forever. There are very few times in our life when we can go back to one exact moment, recall it like it was yesterday and know that without a doubt, it was a life changer.

This is the day I met you…

6:00pm The day before going into labor- I had decided to spend the night with my mom and dad. The Officer was working graveyards and the lonely nights around the house on bed rest where getting old. The Officer dropped me off as he headed into work. I remember announcing to my family, very confidently that I wouldn’t make it to my scheduled C-section date only a week away. I had no reason for the comment other than intuition. I knew it to be true, just as I knew my name. My life was soon to change this I knew, what I didn’t know however was how quickly it was going to happen.

4:00am I get up to use the restroom and then return to bed.

4:05am- My water breaks. I lay quietly in the puddle of consistently flowing fluid. Recalling what the nurse had told me just weeks before, “You’re baby is breach. Your water wont break so you don’t have to worry about any in the middle of the night suprises..everything for you is planned out. You’re one lucky girl! (Now either she was severely wrong or I had drunk way more water than I thought I had during the day) I then rolled over to inform my mother my water has broken. She jumps out of bed excited. My panic begins to sit in.

4:20am- Loading into the car, papa (my dad) is driving like a mad man as we head to the hospital. It’s raining outside, the roads are slick and there isn’t a soul in sight– grandma tells papa to slow down, as there is no emergency (easy for her to say—her water didn’t just break) I called the Officer who was on patrol and informed him to meet us at the hospital. I sat in the passenger sit of the car wondering how long I had until my contractions would become unbearable.

4:45am- We arrive at the hospital. Papa parks the car as Grandma puts me in a wheel chair and proceeds to tell the attended I’m 38 weeks pregnant, baby is breach and water has broken. A look of oh shit comes over the attendants face as he takes the wheel chair from grandma and pushes me through heavy double doors. I’m taken to a room- given a gown and told to lay down. Contractions have started. I begin to feel as though I have a huge, heavy brick in my stomach.

5:00am As contractions continue my fear grows. A nurse comes in to take my vitals and check my cervix. I am dilated to 2cm, 100% effaced and scared as hell. Grandma continues to talk. I have no idea what she is saying as I’m completely zoned in on the task ahead. The officer (your daddy) arrives cheerful as ever. Just want someone with contractions wants—cheerfulness.
5:45am- the Officer is told to suited up in scrubs and lose the gun, I am pushed back into the OR and torn wanting Grandma to remain by my side. She assures the Officer has everything under control and it is his time to shine. Once I’ve entered the OR I am put up on a hard table and prepped for the epidural the contracts have grown more intense, taking my breath away with each one. As the anesthesiologist  inserts the needled I softly lay my head on the nurses chest in front of me. As quickly as the contractions where coming they have now stopped. It’s done and I’m laied down. A sheet is draped in front of me keeping your arrival out of sight.
The officer is let in.

6:00am After a few tugs, pressure and reassurance from the anesthesiologist that what I’m feeling is normal I hear you cry for the first time. I look up at the Officer whom is busy snapping pictures. All of a sudden the OR is filled with laugher. I’m both relief and confused. I then hear the nurses joking about how they aren’t going to put a name bracelet on you because you are identical to the officer.

6:05am I see your face for the first time. Sweet, pink, and wrinkled. You are perfect, you are here, I am in love and our lives as we know it have already changed.
For the next week your daddy takes charge of the house as well as getting up with you for changes and feedings as I try to recover from surgery.
We thought all newborns do is sleep. That’s what we were told. We were betting on it being a cake walk—how hard can taking care of a sleeping baby be. You proved us all wrong. You didn’t sleep for the next 2 years.
I didn’t know at that time; as I stared at you what all motherhood would have in store for me and now three and a half years later as I prepare to plan your 4th birthday I still don’t know. It’s a daily ride, a journey, some times bumpy some times smooth yet one that I wouldn’t give up for anything I the world. Good times and moments that change our life forever. That’s what it’s all about.