This weekend I did it again y’all. We went camping for our little family vacay. You think I would have learned my lesson about camping with a 4-year-old after last camping experience, but evidently I’m not a quickest of learners. He’s a total slave driver when we go camping. I can’t move fast enough to comply with his every demand. He gets so excited and wants to do everything right away with no delay. Thankfully he’s an outdoors kinda kid (which equals awesome).
While on our little excursion at Jelly Stone Park to meet Yogi Bear here are some things I learned.
- I’m not above fighting someone else’s little brat if they are putting mine in danger. Yeah, so what I’m 32 your kids an asshole!
- I’m not the only mom that drinks at 10am. I knew it- you bitches are closet drinkers!
- The officer and I make one hell of a parenting team. Sadly most other suck ass. Take note.
- Parents do not watch their fucking kids. Hello!? Put down and beer and go find your child!
- There were more “momma bodies” in bathing suites than I had expected. Rock on!
- I have more confidence that I once believed. That’s right; I rocked my momma body proudly for all to see. Yes, I was drinking.
- I have no tolerance for drunk ass people (except for myself). Coming from a drinker, if you can’t handle it leave it the fuck alone.
- Yes, it is defiantly necessary to wear off while hiking and tennis shoes or boots not fucking flip-flops. Lesson learned.
- Yoga bear and his girlfriend are quite creepy up close.
- When in a 104 degree heat it is probably best to drink water instead of alcohol. Take it from me
- It always takes longer to get to your destination than It does to get home to all the laundry you’ve accumulated
- The worse part about vacation is unpacking all the crap you took.
- I’m thinking laser hair removal would be nice for trips like this.
- Who needs food in their cabin when you have plenty of booze
- Camping people are my kind of peeps. They don’t care about how you look, just about what kind of beer your drinking
- No makeup or no Spanx, I could get use to this.
- Baths are optional when camping. What? You know it’s true!
- And the last thing I learned is to not venture off too far away from your cabin because as soon as you do the 4-year-old will have to poop and he will hold his butt IN PUBLIC the whole way back to the cabin saying, “I got a turtle head, hurry, hurry momma.” (I haven’t a clue where he learned that—No really, you gotta believe me)