The way I see it, I and any other momma that was totally tortured by their children’s sleeping habits or lack thereof during those first few years deserve those 8 hours! The Monster was a baby from hell; I’m talking from the fiery pits of hot ass hell. He didn’t sleep, didn’t catnap didn’t do anything but lie away and demand to be held! Though unfortunate for me, his behavior taught me a lot ; like how to take a shower and get dressed in 5 mins. (I’m a pro) and how to clean bottles and fold towels with one hand.  He taught me that though I didn’t want to I could, would and did operate as a sleep deprived machine as most of you once did. Damn! I’m glad those days are over.  I went almost two years on four hours of sleep every day. I would cry in the restroom at work because I was so tired, I would cuss the Officer for no reason other than breathing the same air as me. What? I had to cuss someone and it obviously wasn’t going to be the baby.

Moving on to more current news; I’m having a lunch dilemma with the Monster. His teacher told me yesterday that he’s not into chicken anymore and since that’s all I ever send him (because it used to be all he would eat) I can totally see why. Chicken nuggets, chicken patty’s chicken strips, chicken bites, chicken lunch meat. If it was chicken, I’ve sent it. Now, he’s not eating the shit anymore and just what in the hell am I supposed to send?

All that normal shit that most kids eat like finger sandwiches, fruit, crackers, peanut butter and jelly my kid won’t! This morning I sent left over pizza from last night..he’ll eat that thank God and tomorrow I’ll send spaghetti he loves pasta, but after that I’m out of ideas. He used to love apples until he threw them up one day and now he swears to never touch another one. He doesn’t like strawberries, doesn’t want banana’s and will seldom touch grapes.

Talk about a picky eater, I’ve definitely got one. I use to send corn dogs, but that shit gets soggy and who wants to eat soggy food. Same thing for fish sticks. He will eat those, but by lunch time I’m sure they are anything but desirable. Calling all mothers of picky eaters, I need your help..I need your brilliant lunch ideas!

Happy Parenting!

I don’t know what happen. I just kind of fell off the kick ass mom wagon and went to being average and I gotta tell ya….you average moms have it way easier than us trying to stay on the kick ass saddle. (I’m totally joking) I guess I should make those cupcakes tonight, I mean I totally have all the stuff to fix them because I was supposed to make some for the Officer and his fellow piggys’ for National Police Officer Week but…… once again gave into laziness. Plus, I didn’t feel like cleaning up the massive mess it would entail. Yes, I make a massive mess when doing something as simple as baking cupcakes. I never said I was Martha fucking Stewart.

Hey, if there’s anyone on  earth that deserves to totally take advantage of being lazy it’s us moms. We’re non fucking stop, 24/7, day or night, sun shine or rain, sick or well, happy or sad we’re always on our game.  Holla if ya hear me! So maybe I shouldn’t feel so bad about falling off that kick ass wagon. I’ll just see as giving someone else the opportunity to jump on. See how courtesy I am? And you thought I was all self-absorbed and shit.

Happy Parenting!

Today, with my only child being 4 years old I’m wondering what it would be like to have a second. I, at times feel sorry for him being the only child, playing alone, always asking for a friend, never knowing the relationship & love of a sibling. These were things I  thought about at the time of my decision.  I ran through them over and over again in an attempt to make sure I was indeed making a choice I wouldn’t later regret.

I thought about how bad my pregnancy had been and the condition of my uterus. How the doctors called him a miracle baby and said they wouldn’t be so positive on the outcome of future pregnancies. I thought about the hospital stays, the bed rest before and after. I was sure, 100% positive that I wouldn’t want any more children no matter what the circumstance. That this was the best decision for me and my family.

Looking back, I can say without hesitation that this decision was the best choice for us. However,  looking back I can also say without hesitation that I  never expected the desire for another child would return. I didn’t realize that time would perhaps change my perception on things and that I would one day, view the slides of my life through different eyes.

As of late, I’ve tried to rationalize my newly surfaced emotions. I’ve chopped it up to my one and only baby growing up more quickly than I could have ever imagined right before my eyes. I blame it on female emotion and hormones. I blame it on anything I can other than perhaps, just maybe I didn’t give myself enough time.

At the moment it felt clear-headed. At the moment it felt right. I had weighted my options, I had considered my sources, consulted with physicians and loved ones alike. The Monster was a year old already– I thought for sure if the desire was to return it would have done so by then.  It felt like the right thing to do. I knew it like I knew my name and for that reason alone I will never go back and doubt myself, I will never allow myself to say I regret it, only that at that time, it was the right thing to do.

No regrets, no looking back, only moving forward, this is what I will chose to remember and hope it carries me through and surpasses my newly found shock of a desire.. A desire I thought would never exist.

Take a look at the photo below. Yes, it’s my sweet preicous Monster will all his lovely angry birds. Lovely angry birds in which sleep in my bed with me. So now, not only do I have a 4 year old that likes to sleep with his legs across my body, I also have all these lovely fucking angry birds on top and around me as well—-yes, all of them!

For the love of God I’d say enough enough, NO MORE FUCKING ANGRY BIRDS!

As much as I hate Monday and all it entails, I can’t even begin to bitch after the hellish weekend one mother has had to endured.

It was a beautiful weekend–temperatures in the low 90′s—not a cloud in the sky. Only, this forecast wasn’t enjoyed by everyone. For some it was dark and over cast as a storm moved in. For some it will be a terrible moment in time that sadly will be etched in their minds for the rest of theirs lives.

I was informed Saturday morning that one of the little girls in the Monster’s day-care class lost her daddy Friday night in a wreck.

The little girl is 4 and has a 10-year-old brother. My heart is broken for this grief-stricken family. I mourn along with them though they don’t know my name and we’ve never spoken a word. I wonder to myself how they will—how she will (the mother) ever be the same. I wonder how she is  expected to pick up the scattered pieces of this once whole puzzle and rebuild the picture back into a family. A puzzle that is now missing its center piece.

As a wife and a mother I can’t begin to wrap my head around the very thought that one day my partner could be taken away from me and that I may be standing in her same shoes. My heart is heavy for this woman who will now ride on the coat-tail of her faith to make it through the up coming days, weeks, months and years of the parenting she still has lying a head of her. A journey she sought out to complete with her one and only partner. I wonder how the children will deal, how what the mother says and does in these very moments will be valid in their healing and development. I think about how she will be forced to put her grief aside, pull her shoulders back and be the rock for her children in the up coming days.

I think about Thursday night when she climb into bed as he lied beside her, how she didn’t have a clue this would be the last time she’d share a bed with him, say good night or see him raise in the morning light. I think about how none of us know the exact number of days we are currently on and how we could–they could–someone we love could be living the very last two hours of their life. I think about how we just don’t know.

In the mist of someone’s grief and heart-broken sorrow I take away this—to live each day to the fullest with the ones you love. Speak the words you hold silent. Advise we’ve heard time and time again, yet tend to forget in the wake of the day-to-day happenings. She had no idea. He had no idea. That sweet four-year old girl that I saw carried into day-care by her daddy every fucking morning was carried in by those arms of comfort and protection for the last time on Friday morning. For the last time.

My prayers of comfort, peace and guidance will be all I can offer this mother and her children as they face the days and years ahead. Prayer the most powerful of things will help to re-create that puzzle that they will struggle to reconnect.

They told me I can’t just have one (and we’re not talking potato chips)

They told me I needed one of each.

They told me not to do that to my child.

They told me to wait a few years.

They told me I’d change my mind.

I told them…to shut the fuck up, I knew what I was doing and stood strong on the reasons for the non-reversible sterilization procedure that I had chosen. I was sick of everyone thinking woman need to have more than one child, that one isn’t sufficient and that it will only bring heartache and sadness to the child’s life. It’s almost as if you haven’t fulfilled your earthly duties as a woman by just having “one” child. Like you aren’t as good as the next mom nor do you know half as much about parenting because after all—you only have “one”

4 years later I say this.. I still stand strong on the reasons that lead me to this decision in the first place. I still feel 100% that this was the best thing for me and my family. Never the less (and I’ll never admit this again to anyone else) I do wish I would have waited. Now that the Monster is older I’m seeing things through different eyes. Eye’s that weren’t always mine. Eyes that before weren’t there and didn’t have the same logic or the reasoning. Eyes that only come with time and maturity. Eyes of a different person, a person I hadn’t known.

]]> http://perfectlyimperfectmomma.com/2013/05/15/different-eyes/feed/ 0 kebibarra http://perfectlyimperfectmomma.com/2013/04/26/post-it-note-the-parking-lot-bully/ http://perfectlyimperfectmomma.com/2013/04/26/post-it-note-the-parking-lot-bully/#comments Fri, 26 Apr 2013 16:24:57 +0000 kebibarra http://perfectlyimperfectmomma.com/?p=1641 Continue reading »]]> I didn’t think we’d ever make it to Friday and now that we’re here it seems like forever until the clock hits 4:30 and I’m released into freedom.

I’ve got some bad news people, brace yourself. Tomorrow we have a play date. The good news? It’s at my house in which is stocked with vodka.. There was no getting out of this one and trust me, I tried. I was corner at the day-care by a mom that missed the Monster’s birthday party and felt bad.

As much as I tried to reassure her all was fine, she insisted on us getting the boys together for a playdate to make up for the missed time. How could I say no?  I was the victim of bullying. It was nothing more than  mom on mom bullying and she won with her sweet smile, nice words and non aggressive behavior. Damn it lady!! Before I knew it I was replying with, “Sure. That sounds great. See you Saturday.”

Join me in the fight to end mom on mom bullying, it’s becoming an epidemic I tell you. lol

Feeling down about your mothering? Here, allow me to help you out…..

Monday morning I forgot to take the Monster’s clean pillow and blanket to school for nap. What a bitch. fortunately, I keep a blanket in the car for emergencies and grabbed that one as we got out of the car. Simple, problem solved. Only that the blanket smelled like ass and he still didn’t have a pillow. Great, now my kid was going to be the only one without a fucking pillow and the teacher was going to shake her head in disbelief  when she gets a whiff of the blanket. Honestly Ms. Teacher I do wash my kids blankets, really I do!

Then as if that wasn’t enough to make me feel like a crap ass mom– Tuesday I forgot the kid’s juice boxes!!! We’re talking about his drinks here people. I packed the lunch and didn’t even put any drinks in it!  Who the fuck does that?!

I realized this only after emptying and putting up his back pack at school. My heart sank. I walked into the TV room and told one of teachers what I had none. It was no big deal to them- they had extra’s, but to me—to me it was huge, it was terrible, it was embarrassing it was neglectful…..Ok, maybe neglectful is a little much, but you get the idea.

All day all I could think about was his teacher opening his lunch shaking her head in disbelief and saying, Well hell, she didn’t even send the kid anything to drink. I can hear it now–she will gossip to all the teacher’s about what a neglectful mother I am over those stupid juice boxes. It was only juice boxes, don’t let that define what kind of  mother you think I am!!!!  It’s not like I used them all up in my vodka drinks (because you know I’d never do that) I had tons of them and I just flat-out forgot to send the kid any.

Today though, today I nailed it. I didn’t forget anything. I took the washed blanket and the pillow yesterday–made double sure that I packed juice boxes today and headed for the car. Yes today I redeemed myself as a kick ass mom. Hopefully any ill thoughts the teacher had of me will subside once she opens his lunch and see the two juice boxes sitting there. Surely. I mean come on, they were only juice boxes.

P.S  You should really try them in your vodka. What?! I’m just sayin’

I go back to that day four years ago when we met for the first time often. It was a sweet, life changing moment that I’ll never forget. The Officer had surgical scrubs on over his uniform and was the first one to hold the new addition to our little family. I lied on my back looking up at them as the doctors tugged and pulled on my body in the process of sowing up my incision. I looked at his little face- he stared back and blinked. It was indeed love at first sight.

It’s hard to believe that on this very day four years ago at 7:40 am we went from a family of two to a family of three. It’s hard to believe that four years ago today we gave up everything we knew to become something we knew nothing about, parents.

If you would have told me back then while I was scared, sleep deprived and confused that I would one day enjoy motherhood this much- I might have laughed in your face followed by a fuck you! But it’s true. These four years have been more of a blessing than I could have ever imagined and it’s all because of you!

Happy birthday my sweet precious Monster, Happy birthday!

]]> http://perfectlyimperfectmomma.com/2013/04/18/happy-birthday/feed/ 0 kebibarra 4thbday birthday1 http://perfectlyimperfectmomma.com/2013/04/16/one-of-those-days/ http://perfectlyimperfectmomma.com/2013/04/16/one-of-those-days/#comments Tue, 16 Apr 2013 20:54:21 +0000 kebibarra http://perfectlyimperfectmomma.com/?p=1630 Continue reading »]]> Today is a sick day. I called in, once again to take the Monster to visit our second home—that being the pediatrician’s office. The verdict this time? Pharyngitis. Personally, I think its strep again and we just caught it too early, but I guess we’ll see. Mothers are always right when it comes to their children’s diagnosis, always.

Because I’m mother of the year (and you know this) my kid has done nothing but sat in front of the TV all day. We did attempt to go outside in play in his sandbox, only to find some dumb ass (probably a child) left a small piece of food in the box during this party and it is now filled with ants! I guess I should probably offer up some play dough or coloring. Something to get his attention away from the TV. It’s so easy just to let them sit there quietly not bothering anybody..on hell, what will a few more hours hurt? Today has been one of those days were you just don’t feel like exerting any energy.

Because it’s a sick day you should know that I’m totally rockin’ men’s’ sweat pants and a T-shirt that’s way too small showing off that glorious muffin top. I’m drinking wine out of my classy buckee’s wine glass and my living room looks like a fucking hurricane just whipped through it.  Angry Birds are scattered about the place. Pillows are thrown off the couch and once again there is a pile of clean clothes piled up in my bedroom—why can’t I ever get a fucking handle on that pile? It’s like it never goes away. Hey, to my defense,( because I feel like I need to defend myself) the kitchen is fucking spotless. You could eat off of the floor- ok I probably wouldn’t try that but you get the hint, I HAVE done something today despite what the Officer might think when he gets home at 12am and the pile of clothes are still standing 3ft tall.

Dude as soon as the Monster gets old enough for chores; he’s totally getting the clothes!